Balancing Act: Work, Family, and Expectations | Part 1

Summary: In Part 1, Katie sits down with Josee Tremblay, professional engineer, Principal in Decision Sciences, board director and Amazon number one bestselling author of Us and Yet, to explore what it really takes to balance a high-achieving career with a full personal life.

Josee challenges the myth of work-life balance right from the start, reframing it as one life with many moving parts that all need intentional architecture. She shares her powerful three-step delegation framework, why building support at home matters just as much as building it at work, and how curiosity can become one of your most powerful tools for navigating discomfort in both professional and personal settings.

Katie and Josee also explore the nervous system's role in how we respond to stress, success and the fear of being seen, drawing on both their lived experiences and their work with high-achieving clients.

Key Takeaways

→ Work-life balance is a myth. It is all just life. You show up at eight in the morning and it is still your life. The goal is to build a whole life architecture that supports you.

→ Josee's three-step delegation framework: Does this task need to be done? Does it have to be done by me? Does it have to be done by me now? If the answer to any of those is no, park it, delegate it, or schedule it.

→ Delegation applies at home too. Whether it is your neighbor grabbing a package or your teenager cooking dinner, building a network of people who lean in for each other creates long-term resilience.

→ Park it and schedule it. If a task does not need to be done right now, put it on your calendar for the right day and stop carrying it in your head.

→ Support at home is just as important as support at work. Positive leadership applies in both environments and directly affects how well you show up in each one.

→ When discomfort shows up, treat it with curiosity. Asking why you feel threatened or uncomfortable in a situation grounds you and helps you access the answers underneath the reaction.

→ The nervous system records everything. Even seemingly small events can leave a lasting imprint. When we understand the root of our resistance, we can start to shift it.

→ We are trained from childhood to do things alone. Most of us do not unlearn that until middle age. The sooner you ask for help, the faster everything moves.

Where to find Josee

Website

Josee Tremblay's LinkedIn

Resources

• Website
• Free Mini Cogno Mondays
• Learn more about Cognomovement
• Try Cognomovement for yourself!
• Book a call with Katie

Credit: Tom Giovingo, Intro & Outro, Random Voice Guy, Professional ‘Cat‘ Herder

Mixed & Managed: JohnRavenscraft.com

Disclaimer: Katie is not a medical professional and she is not qualified to diagnose any conditions. The advice and information she gives is based on her own experience and research. It does not take the place of medical advice. Always consult a medical professional first before you try anything new.

Transcript

Katie Wrigley (00:00)
Welcome back to the Catapult Effect podcast. I am your host, Katie Wrigley, and I have another exciting guest here with me today who I am so excited to introduce you to. And we're gonna talk about how we can balance as women, especially professional women, especially high achieving ones, you know I'm talking to you, work, family, and expectations that we get within our careers. I have with me today Josee Tremblay

She is a professional engineer, Principal in Decision Sciences at Strategic Decisions Group, a board director, the author of the Amazon number one bestseller, Us and Yet.

a powerful book on navigating life in non-traditional roles. Josee's passion for empowering others coupled from her drive for innovation has made her a highly respected figure both in businesses and STEM fields.

Welcome to the Catapult Effect podcast, Josee. I'm so excited to dive into this with you.

Josee Tremblay (01:21)
Thanks for having me. Nice to see you today, Katie.

Katie Wrigley (01:24)
And you you being a part of a traditionally not female dominated world is something that resonates with me as we were just talking about before we started to record. had spent 16 years in cybersecurity sales, 24 in IT, and that isn't traditionally a female saturated field. And so it's, it's very different when you're a female working in a male dominated environment. And so I'm curious.

What were some of the things in your experience, and this may be a big question to be asking you outside of the gate, but what in your experience started to drive you to create this incredible book that you've created?

Josee Tremblay (02:02)
Well, I

was having a conversation with a few professionals. Many of them were women, but some of them were men as well. And they were having challenges. I'm participating in a mentor walk, which is actually we meet professionals on a regular basis and we go for a walk and we kind of help.

them mentor and deal with some of the barriers that they might have and kind of navigate some of the more difficult areas of their professional life. But then I realized it wasn't just about professional life. It's about the whole life architecture that you need to be able to succeed. And these professionals were considering ramping off their careers after being trained and having, you know,

spent quite a few years developing their craft and deciding that they would want to ramp off. So for me, it was heartbreaking to see that. And I had more than 30 years of experience in the business and had had an international career in many countries and adapted to many environments. And I had a lot of.

different things that I was able to share with them. And I always walked away with the thought that if I can help, you know, one or two or four people at a time, how can I actually help a bigger audience? Because we see so many people ramping off. So my push for writing the book was let's make it a broader audience. And that's why I'm actually going through all of these conversations on podcasts, because

And my heart is all open to these people that are trying to kind of find their way through some and you're going to run into challenges. So you need to have the ability to lean in to people that have experienced similar things and know how to kind of navigate these challenges. So that's why I wrote the book. ⁓

Katie Wrigley (03:55)
and thank you for creating it. And I want to ask you something that you have a different perspective on than most people, and I really love your perspective, but we hear a lot about this work-life balance. What do you think about that?

Josee Tremblay (04:07)
It's a big misnomer. Is that a good way to describe this? I don't think there's anything like work-life balance. It's all life. Like you show up at eight in the morning and it's still your life and you leave at five and it's still your life and you go home and it's your life. So it's the whole life construct that you need to really look at and you need to find to be able to

Katie Wrigley (04:13)
I think so.

Josee Tremblay (04:36)
navigate some of the high stress jobs that some of your auditors would have in starting new businesses and you talked about police service groups that are some of your clients and I was thinking in all of these high stress jobs you need to have different areas in your life that you

Katie Wrigley (04:48)
and

Josee Tremblay (04:57)
navigate to be able to be successful. And you need to lean in not just from the eight to five support that you might have in your work, but you need to lean in to what is happening outside of work.

So you need to think about how you can have positive leadership at work so it makes it easier for you to show up and you're more motivated as a result. And similarly, you need to have positive leadership in your personal life. So it makes it possible for you to come home and feel like you have people around you that have your back and are able to support your aspirations both in career and your personal development.

Katie Wrigley (05:39)
Yeah, 100%. That support is key to all of us. And it's ironic that as we get to be adults, we really understand the importance of support. when we're kids, we're taught to act. And I didn't really think about this until I was listening. I'm trying to remember the book now. I think it was one of Dan Sullivan, Ben Hardy's books that I was listening to. I think it was Who Not How? And they're talking about when we're kids, we're taught to do everything on our own. We take tests alone.

Like we may have a group project or a team project, but we're actually taught to do things alone. And so when we get to adulthood, that's what we keep trying to do. And for some reason, it usually takes us until middle age to be like, this is too exhausting. We got to find a balance here somehow, some way. I shouldn't be doing all this on my own. And especially like career women in general, even if you're working for another company, you may not be an entrepreneur. But especially when you put on the entrepreneur hat.

Now the success of the business is on you. And if you haven't learned how to help start, ask for help to get that support, like here, you're making it a lot harder on yourself. And I speak from direct experience of having done that to myself too.

Josee Tremblay (06:55)
Yeah, so one of the tips I have in my book, which I talk about and I use it all the time, and it was given to me by one of life coaches I had early on in my career, and it really served me well. And it's a three-step process to delegation. And the delegation piece is not just about delegation at work, it's about delegation at home as well.

So the first question you need to ask yourself when you're faced with a task is does this task need to be done? And it seems like a simple question because you think, okay, well, if I have it as a task, but not all tasks need to be done. So some of them, they'll just pop up and you think, ⁓ it would be nice to do. And then you end up.

making it part of your day and kind of breaking in your schedule. Just park it if it doesn't need to be done. So that's the first question. The second question is, does it have to be done by me? And that's where the delegation comes in. It's like, if I can take this and delegate it to somebody else right now, then do that. Because then it frees up your brain to be able to actually do the most important things that you have in your life.

I tried to think about where I can lean in and delegate to other people. It could be you put it as a dry cleaner or whatever it is that you have in your day. You phone your mom because, I need you to pick up the kids. Can you delegate this to somebody else that would be available? Or your neighbor can pick up the package that you would have had to drive home to sort out with the delivery crew.

So it's small little things like that. But when you ask, does it really have to be done by me? Sometimes a lot of things actually fall off your plate and other people will come in and lean in. And as a result, you get a network of people that are ready to lean in for you. But vice versa, when you're at home and the delivery package comes to your neighbor, then it's pretty easy for you to go around and take one minute and just grab the package. Well,

it took a little bit of, I would say, humility to be able to ask that to your neighbor. You may not have known that well, but then at the same time, it creates that network that you need to be successful long term. So it's building resilience by looking out to what type of services you have. And sometimes now people are using like AI services, like how do you actually get your LLM or chat GPT or a cloud to actually do something for you quicker? Well,

Do I have to actually sort out a schedule from eight to five for a workshop I'm giving? Well, I can actually ask Jack GPT to say, can you actually put a schedule for me with the time and date? Before, you actually would actually go and type it in. Now you just ask Jack GPT to sort it out into an organized format for you. So you give it the content. Someone else is figuring out how to actually sort out and make it fit within a three-hour session.

So all of these things are answering the question, does it have to be done by me? And then the third one, so if it has to be done and it has to be done by me, then the question is, and this was the one that I had the most, the hardest time integrating into my own practice was, does it have to be done by me now? Ooh, yes.

Katie Wrigley (10:09)
Yeah.

Ooh,

is going to hit the road because sometimes your nervous system is like, it has to be done now. It all needs to be done now. Yesterday would be even better.

Josee Tremblay (10:38)
Exactly. And

also there's some theory out there that says it's a one touch thing. You get it. It takes one minute. You're going to do it and then you park it. But then it's a whole bunch of series of five minute things and you don't get to the most important things in your schedule. So does it have to be done by you? Yes. If it does have to be done by you, does it have to be done by you now? And if not, park it and schedule it.

Katie Wrigley (10:56)
and

Josee Tremblay (11:07)
So, and my girlfriend, Nicole, who is like a high level executive, at one point we went to, this is a little bit of a personal story, but we went to a brunch together. was like, and the question they asked like a icebreaker was, do you have a list? Do you carry lists? And Nicole and I were like managing, you know, large teams, et cetera, and we're having conversations and she looked at me and says, no, I don't have lists. I'm like,

What? You don't have lists? But she kind of indirectly had a list, but she didn't have a list. She basically, when she saw something she needed to get done, she would actually put one thing on her calendar and kind of gauge how long it would take. So if it was a half hour job and it was due March 15th, she would schedule it March 13th on her calendar for 30 minutes. And then it was

She didn't miss anything because it was all on her calendar and she actually knew, you know, what were her commitments for the next two weeks ahead. So her planning was impeccable in that regard. But for me, I was carrying like lists everywhere. And after that, was a construct of, OK, park it and schedule it. So then, you know, it's out there. So the third question being, if it doesn't have to be done now, then park it and make sure that, you know that when it's due.

and then you can actually do it and plan it according to how much time you think it needs.

Katie Wrigley (12:41)
that is next level organization. gotta be, I'm not there yet. I got lists everywhere, but I do make an effort to put the list into my calendars. And with the CRM I have, there's a task manager in there so you can put a date. And so if there's someone that I'm following up with, instead of me trying to remember it all the time, I put it in the task and then it lights up. I know I need to, today's the day to follow up with this person. And also the cool thing about writing it down is you actually tend to remember.

that you did it because you took the time to write it down and put a deadline on it. Like your subconscious is like, hey, remember we had that thing. And sometimes it could be like, okay, like I had something for March 4th. I had something for March 4th. What was it? What was it? And then you go, right, that was it. But there'll be something about that date or some trigger that'll start to stir up that subconscious to help the conscious mind be like, uh-huh, thank you. That's what we needed to do today.

Josee Tremblay (13:18)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Katie Wrigley (13:37)
And

Josee Tremblay (13:37)
The trick though is you need to schedule it on the right days. Every once in a while I'll schedule something on the wrong week. And I'm like, no. Yes. It's a continuous improvement opportunity.

Katie Wrigley (13:41)
Yeah.

those are...

Right. And that's

life, right? It's constantly flowing like that. And there were a few things as you were sharing that three-step process, it almost reminds me, one of the things that came to mind is Brene Brown, and she has a three-step process for whether we should panic about something. And I think the first step is, do I have enough data to panic? Yes or no? And if no, OK, I don't get to panic. If yes, OK, is panicking going to help me? The answer is always no.

Like panic never helps us. I guess hers is two step, but I love that because it's like, I, because your mind just wants to take it and run with it sometimes. It's like, do I actually have enough data to worry about this yet? And then when you do, mind's like, my God, we got enough data to worry. This is a worrying event. And then, but is it going to help me? No. It's like, ooh, the brain needs something to do with that. And it's like, okay, what can we do then? And that's

Kind of what I'm, I don't know why that's coming to mind, but I'm thinking of, I think it can be anxiety provoking to delegate to someone. And I love how you pointed out delegation examples, both in work life and in personal life, because like you pointed out, it's one life or one body living one life with different areas, different sectors of our life. And it can be kind of scary to start to delegate to someone else. Like I have my VA starting to do some outreach.

and she's absolutely wonderful and she went out of the gate a little quick and I was like, okay, we actually care about getting to know people and she's like, like she got it immediately but you know, that was something to delegate to her and she's doing amazing but it can be a little anxiety inducing at times to be starting to shift gears.

Josee Tremblay (15:37)
Mm hmm. So tell me a little bit more about your approach to dealing with these things. I know you're working with cognitive movements and little tips and tricks that you have when you are faced with some anxiety like this, because you have to navigate a complex schedule and long list of to do's.

Katie Wrigley (15:59)
Yeah, it depends on what I'm looking at in there. So sometimes if I get stuck on something and I've got pretty early pattern recognition at this point, just because that's really what we're working with in the nervous system are patterns. We may not notice that it's a pattern or think it's a pattern. But then as we start to dive into it, it's like, ⁓ I keep doing this. Like, for instance, my mentors, Liz and Bill, had run a class at the beginning of the year.

about making this your best year yet. And it was what are the speed bumps that you create when you're on your road to success? And I'm like, I don't create speed bumps. And as we're going through it, I'm like, oh, except I have a long history of creating speed bumps. And now I see them. And so it's looking at, OK, like, what makes me do this? Oh, it's a fear of success. Oh, I've actually been punished for being successful. So when we start to understand

what the root of that resistance is, whether it's us getting in our own way, because no one ever gets in their own way, or it's feeling anxious or feeling just very uncomfortable to move into a new way of doing it. We want to understand deeper, like, what is creating this? Like, what is making this action important to me? What is making this feel so uncomfortable?

And like, if we look at that fear of success, there's a lot of people who have been punished for being successful. They may have been bullied because they were doing so well. They may not have felt like they had a lot of friends because they were such a badass at their job that it intimidated other people. And they may be the kindest, most beautiful person in the world, but no one at that job was giving them the time of day because they were all threatened by that person's success.

And so when you've had that, now the nervous system, which can mark anytime our needs aren't met. So being ousted, feeling like you're not part of the community, that's enough for the nervous system to be like, we don't want this. And so even if consciously we want success, subconsciously we've got something that's much more important that's working against us so that we don't have to keep going through that emotional pain that we hit when we have success. Does that make sense Josee?

Josee Tremblay (18:16)
Mm

hmm, absolutely. And a friend of mine, Dan, always says when you start being uncomfortable, it's a little bit of a tap into your intuition, but also treat it with curiosity. And curiosity is the thing that actually flips it over to, oh, I'm curious about this. Why am I feeling threatened or

Katie Wrigley (18:30)
Hmm

Josee Tremblay (18:39)
Why am I feeling uncomfortable in this setting? And then kind of treat it with curiosity. Why is that? You know, and it kind of grounds you a little bit and helps you kind of navigate, but maybe the underlying biases and some of the maybe pre-programming that you talked about, like you wanted to fit in when you were young and you were rejected or something. And then you end up having more things that are in the background that are playing havoc in your brain. Yeah.

Katie Wrigley (19:08)
Yeah, yeah, and we're such complex beings, you know, and our subconscious has been recording everything that's happened to us. And anytime our needs aren't met, like I mentioned, the nervous system can flag that as a trauma, it doesn't have to meet the definition of a trauma in order for the nervous system to be like, that is bad, that is not safe. And that's something that I'm trying to help people understand more about is like, it doesn't have to

fit the definition in order for your body or your nervous system to have decided that wasn't safe for you. And we've seen this over and over again that the most innocuous event that you didn't even think much of has this long lasting impact on you. And all of that's running beneath the surface of the water. And that's the beauty of the work that I do is we have ways to basically drill down into that water and look and be like, ⁓ there's the roots. Let's go ahead and yank those.

and we're able to make really big shifts in a short period of time. And curiosity is a huge thing. That's something I say a lot in sessions is like, get curious about this. Let yourself feel it. Be as silly as you are. Be as annoying as you are. Whatever the words are that they're saying, like, feel like I'm annoying. I feel like I'm being silly. Okay. Be that as much as you are because that starts to shift it like you said. And it's like, ⁓ yeah.

What does make me want to do this? Where does this come from? And then immediately you're shifted out of judgment and into curiosity, which is where you're going to find the answers. So it's kind cool that we work like that too. I love Harry Potter, yes.

Josee Tremblay (20:43)
Mm-hmm.

So do you know Harry Potter? the...

When you describe pulling the roots out? I don't know if you saw the movie, but they had, they were planting, ⁓ I can't remember the name of the plants, but yes!

Katie Wrigley (20:57)
The mandrakes. ⁓ I remember that scene. Screech,

pulled them out, the plants are, They're screaming. And it feels like that sometimes, yeah. Usually only for a couple seconds, but yeah, I can feel like, god, my roots are exposed. But it does go away within seconds, really, I promise. Let's get the analogy. Nice visual there. ⁓ Goodness.

Josee Tremblay (21:14)
you

Katie Wrigley (21:23)
I want to go into some more questions here. I'm having so much fun talk to you. What other tips do you have for people and how easy is it for someone to start to feel overwhelmed, to feel like they're running in this chronic stress pattern from what you've seen in your experience working with male-dominated fields and all of your experience that's led you to create this incredible book that you've put out there in the world to help people.

Josee Tremblay (21:49)
Yeah, I think sometimes there's small little microaggressions they call them now and I don't really like the word aggression because it sounds similar to what you were saying trauma. You know, it's kind of an amplification of what it is really but

There's little small things that will actually impact your day and will accumulate sometimes when you're finding yourself in an environment that may not be, you might be a minority. And, and as a result, you end up having maybe less bandwidth for adaptation, for curiosity, for things like that. So it's affecting your nervous system, I think. And that's where it's connected and you need to actually ⁓

Katie Wrigley (22:31)
Mm-hmm.

Josee Tremblay (22:36)
find your path.

to navigate these strain on your nervous system in a positive way. And I think we're kind of pulling in that thread, but it's similar to when you get uncomfortable. What do you do? You find yourself needing to go into curiosity, going into positive leadership. I'm a huge fan of positive leadership. There's a big section about that that I talked through, but positive leadership is looking for

a positive climate. It's looking for positive communication, looking for positive relationships and positive meaning. So I'm here because I'm actually I have a purpose. I'm achieving something that I'm inspired by and I have this, you know, aspiration for making the world a better place. You know, it's a positive meaning of why you're showing up in your personal life and in your work life.